This has been on repeat for 3 days now. No sign that I might get sick of it any time soon.
I’m also cleaning and updating my playlist.
Since the beginning of the year I felt like an old lady. I don’t think my mind left anything untouched. I’ve been worrying about turning 27 this year and the fact that I’ve done absolutely nothing worthy with my life. I just freaked out! 3 more years and I will be 30. Where did the years go?
The voice in my mind went crazy and just won’t stop. I can’t make it stop. This voice keeps pointing out all my flaws and makes me feel like I am the worst of them all. I don’t know if this is really because I’m just acting silly for getting older, or because I miss the sunny days of spring and summer, or that I really am such a bad person.
I really wish I would stop the whole “comparing myself with others” thing. But I just can’t stop. I really hate the women that at 6 AM are out looking picture perfect with their make up applied perfectly and dressed to impressed, with no mud stains on their shoes while I look like I just crawled out of bed with pillow marks on my face and my boots dirty from walking 10 minutes in the muddy snow till the subway. How do they do it? Why do they do it? Does it matter so much? Why do I care so much about this? Why do I suddenly want to wear skirts and dresses to work? Why do I want to have perfect skin and a body to kill for? Why do I have to be picture perfect?
Why the urgent need to change?
I really hope spring will come sooner because I need more sunshine and more walks in the park to clear my mind from all of the negative thoughts I have.
Sometimes I think I should expand my kpop list of artists. I’ve recently started randomly browsing YouTube for music and of course I got stuck on kpop. Somehow, I avoided Girls Generation, Wonder Girls, T-ara and any other group that I’m already familiar with.
I ended up with Sistar, Secret, K-Will, Nine Muses and other groups. Kpop is much bigger than I thought and there are a lot of underrated artists that have awesome songs.