I was finally able to sign my resignation. Last day of work: 12.04.2017.
You might think that my CV is updated, that I am actively applying for jobs. I haven’t done anything of the sort. I just cleaned the house and rested.
It was such a wonderful feeling to have time to waste. It has been such a long time since I felt happy about doing regular things. Listening to music, stitching, watching a Bollywood movie, walking Pluto, resting with Marlanu’ and Pluto. It felt incredible.
I don’t regret anything. If stability means losing your own self, I would rather have instability. I would rather struggle and be happy, then comfortable and miserable.
I want to make happy memories, at work and at home. I don’t one thing to affect the other. I want to feel good about myself, once again. To be honest, I started feeling really old. I started thinking that there is nothing out there for me. That I am not good enough for anything else. It showed on my face, in the way I dressed, the way I acted. I was a sad person.
That is not who I am.
I am a happy person by nature. The smallest things make me the happiest. When I laugh, Pluto laughs with me. He feels my happiness. Yet, I haven’t had a real laugh in ages. Even the blog became depressing.
In March I will apply again to get my driver’s license. Johnny was right. If I want road trips that we can both enjoy, I should step up as well. I started learning Spanish, as I planned. I don’t know much, but at least I can count to 10 in Spanish. I also understand most things said to me, but I still can’t reply back.
So, my action plan for the next two months: small steps to get back my old happy self.