It has been a while since I woke up at 5 AM, for no apparent reason. It is early morning and I already walked Pluto, and now he went back to bed and is peacefully sleeping with Johnny. Marlanu’ is by my side, eating away. And the house is peaceful. I can actually hear the birds outside.
It is quite nice.
I am pondering on what I should do today. My options being limited, since I will go to work in the evening and at some point I will need sleep.
Two more weeks till freedom. I was thinking about it, and I made up my mind. I am officially postponing my job hunt. It is clear I need a break from about everything.
A simple recharge of the batteries is not enough. It is not about being tired from being overworked. I’ve passed that point a long time ago. It has a lot to do with my self worth, and what I want from myself and from my future. It is hard to explain. I know I am not the best out there, but I still felt proud of the work that I did. I felt like a valuable member. I know I did a good job. The fact that there are more people upset by me leaving than the people that can’t wait for me to leave, proves it. Yet, slowly and surely, I have been reduced to a failure. I failed at my current job and I failed to get a job, that others with less experience than me got with less effort.
OK. It is not the end of the road, but it is clear that things are not going in the right direction. I should not feel desperate when going to a job interview. I should not feel that everyone if watching me, waiting for me to fail, the gossip train going wild.
I have horrible thoughts. I wouldn’t want to work with my current self. Even when it is early morning I can’t stop thinking about things like that.
So, I am going to take a break and go on adventures (even if it is just to the supermarket). That and clean the house and take better care of myself.
It was not meant to be. I was not sure if I should post this, but after giving it some consideration, I think I will.
I just got my very first rejection.
What hurts the most is the fact that when I called in two weeks ago, they mentioned the feedback was positive. That and combined with the referral I got, kinda got my hopes up. Long story short, after a month of waiting the answer was “no”.
They packaged it really nicely as well:
“We have now had the opportunity to consider your suitability for the vacancy and although we found your experience impressive, it is with regret to say, that on this occasion, you have not been successful.”
And continued with:
“We will retain your resume on file to be considered should an opportunity arise.”
And, delivering the final blow:
“..may I take this opportunity to thank you for the time and effort that you have invested, and wish you all the very best in your future career.”
I am sure that every single person goes through this, at some point or another when trying to find a job. I am also certain that it will not be the last rejection that I will receive. That doesn’t make it any less painful.
It really feels like a deja vu for me. The same thing happened two years ago, on three separate occasions, in the same circumstances, with the same results. Confidence wise, I am at an all time low right now.
I am going to continue my job hunt. Hopefully, it will be less painful and more productive.
Pluto, Marlanu’ and stitching, make the best days off. I love spending time with my pets! I am pretty certain that they love spending time with me. We love to hang around, play, sleep and even do nothing, if possible.
But mostly we love playing.
It can be at home, when I am trying to browse the Internet for new stitching kits.
Or, it can be outside.
But my favorite moments is when I stitch and they just lay around. Those are the moments that define our relationship, and strengthen Johnny’s belief that we are all lazy bastards. I just think that he is jealous of us, since he has to work during the day.
Even so, I am happy they allow me to indulge in one of my favorite hobbies: stitching. It has been a long time since I finished something, and I am amazed that I managed to stitch for months at just one project.
It might not look like much, but it is a pretty big stitching project. Truthfully, I was expecting to get bored of it in a couple of months. It seems that was not the case, and I have not worked on anything else. Hopefully, I will finish it till the end of summer.
I am being realistic here, since I know that there might be times when I will not have the chance to touch it.
The last few weeks have been wonderful. I cannot believe how amazing it feels to be out and about.
Road trips, movie dates, lunch dates, shopping & grocery trips, going to the country side (to visit my parents), and many more normal things.. I cannot believe how much work can affect a person’s life. What the hell have I’ve been doing with myself for the last year?
No wonder people have avoided me and John for so long, All we did is to talk about work and more work. We didn’t have anything else to talk about.
One day in February, we woke up, drank our coffee and just went out. When I say out, I mean we got in the car and drove to a different city. We ended up in Pitesti where we had lunch and walked around. The weather was fine, and the city was peaceful. Compared to the crowds that were out and about in Bucharest, it felt like we were on a different planet.
We even found this lil store where they had Italian products. I was happy, cause I ended up buying olive oil, balsamic vinegar and coffee. I know there are a lot of malls and shops in Bucharest, but it was much cheaper and they had stuff you normally you don’t find.
We even ended up at La Tuciuri. It is a small restaurant, very pretty and the food was just amazing. It opened at 12 PM, and we thought that we were early, but in 15 minutes the place was crowded. And for good reasons.
It was rustic, small and the people there were friendly.
The food was amazing! It has been a long time since we found a place that could satisfy both my tastes and Johnny’s.
They even do home delivery, but I doubt that they will deliver to other cities.
This outing really opened my eyes. So, for the next couple of weeks more things happened. We went out to the movies, with colleagues and friends. We saw Split and Logan (it was awesome!). We have plans to go see Ghost in the shell as well, with the same people.
We went out more, even if it was just for coffee. Even our walks with Pluto have become longer. We take him out more often, as well. I know this last part is influenced directly by the weather. But, we were all in need of exercise and fresh air (as fresh as you can get in the city).
This last weekend, we went to the country side. I was supposed to meet up with some friends afterwards, but I didn’t make it. It was hard to leave from there. It was sunny, warm and my mother cooked some of her best dishes. I just stuffed my face with everything she made, and then just soaked in all the sunshine I could get.
Even if I didn’t get the chance to sleep that much (working the night shift + going out during the day), I felt fresh. I have recharged my batteries, and no amount of sleep could’ve had the same effect on me.
I am content with how things are going. Soon to be unemployed, but happy. There is much more to life that working your ass off, and not being able to enjoy anything.
There is one thing that makes me get through the days at work: my colleagues! I am grateful to be able to meet and befriend such amazing people.
Not only do they keep me grounded, keep my sanity in check, but they surprise me in ways I couldn’t even imagine.
After a long day at work, with just one break for a quick phone call (also work related), I felt like crawling under a rock. It was one of those days, where nothing made sense and things went from bad to worse, with no chance of improvement.
And yet, in an instant the world became a better place.
I still can’t believe that someone took it upon themselves to remember what my favorite book is, and also the fact that I do not own a copy of it. That same someone, decided I should own a copy!
I am now the proud owner of the Romanian version of Stardust, by Neil Gaiman! It is still in its wrapping, since I can’t bring myself to open it yet. Like all good things that happen in my life, I want to enjoy the moment. So, for a lil while it will stay in its wrapping.
Oh, and that’s not all. That same someone, decided I should own a copy of one of their favorite authors. So, I am also the proud owner of a copy of The Last Orc by Silvana de Mari.
I can honestly say it made my day brighter in an instant (even if it was almost midnight when I left from work).
I also can’t wait for this Sunday to come around. It will be the night shift get together. We all decided to go and see Logan at the cinema, before starting our shift. Good things are yet to come, I just need to be patient.