No matter how many times I keep telling myself I’m going to change, it never happens. I am starting to believe all those documentaries on how we are genetic programmed and how there isn’t much we can do about it.

I don’t wish to change in appearance or to become someone I’m not, but for once I would like to stop being the idiot. No matter what I do I end up doing or saying something completely insane. Even now, I was thinking “wow 8 days into the new year and nothing happened“.

Then it happened, my first stupid deed for 2011.

I was cleaning up my room and decided to take the trash. Why did I took the trash at that time I don’t know. I still had lots of things to throw away, but I went to take out the trash anyway. Now, when I came back I heard noises from a neighbour I haven’t spoken in a few months and I thought “oh goodie, I haven’t seen her in ages“. Then a person came out, and before I could stop myself, I was waving like an idiot. You can realize that the person wasn’t my friend but probably some relative of hers.

She did wave back but did said “Good evening“. It’s noon so I’m betting she thought I was a crazy person in pajamas.

One can imagine that I am feeling embarrassed about the incident but after 24 years of being an inappropriate person it doesn’t get to me anymore. I’m used to it. The only thing that bugs me is that “these events” start happening more close to home and with people that I actually interact on a daily basis. That’s not good because I don’t want people to think that I’ve lost it. I haven’t, I’m still very much sane. It’s just I can’t help myself when this things happen.

Even if I can’t change my idiotic ways could I just be an idiot in front of people I will most likely never see or talk to ever again? Is that so much to ask for?