It was not meant to be. I was not sure if I should post this, but after giving it some consideration, I think I will.
I just got my very first rejection.
What hurts the most is the fact that when I called in two weeks ago, they mentioned the feedback was positive. That and combined with the referral I got, kinda got my hopes up. Long story short, after a month of waiting the answer was “no”.
They packaged it really nicely as well:
“We have now had the opportunity to consider your suitability for the vacancy and although we found your experience impressive, it is with regret to say, that on this occasion, you have not been successful.”
And continued with:
“We will retain your resume on file to be considered should an opportunity arise.”
And, delivering the final blow:
“..may I take this opportunity to thank you for the time and effort that you have invested, and wish you all the very best in your future career.”
I am sure that every single person goes through this, at some point or another when trying to find a job. I am also certain that it will not be the last rejection that I will receive. That doesn’t make it any less painful.
It really feels like a deja vu for me. The same thing happened two years ago, on three separate occasions, in the same circumstances, with the same results. Confidence wise, I am at an all time low right now.
I am going to continue my job hunt. Hopefully, it will be less painful and more productive.
“Sucking at something is the first step to becoming sorta good at something“
Jake, Adventure Time
From the recent updates at work, apparently, I suck very much. What better way to motivate someone who is already in doubt about staying or not. The worst part is, that it is not even related to my work. It is related to what others think and say about me. I cannot even fight back, and defend myself because of the “he said, she said” thing. No real proof, no real facts, just hearsay.
The others is a general term, used by our manager for feedback sessions. It is a term she loves (among many other derogative terms she keeps for agents that do not met her standards). It gives her power by dividing us, by making us mistrust one another.
So, I come back to the conclusion that it is not the work and its quality, but how much one can suck up to the boss.
That is where I really suck.
I cried over it.
Like a complete and utter dumbass, I cried.
I guess it is my mistake as well. I got comfortable knowing that I have a job. The fear of not having a job, and having a hard time getting one, two years ago, has stuck with me. I dread going over that whole process of interviews and waiting.
The best part of all of this was Johnny’s reaction. He almost chocked with his coffee, while laughing at me.
Yep, he laughed.
He was not the only one that laughed.
That hurt even more.
Here I am crying myself out, trying to figure out why and how this happened, and people are just laughing at the absurdity of it all. I really am a dumbass.
So, without further rambling and ranting, I have prepared my resignation. Tomorrow, when we have our team meeting (of course it had to be on my day off), I will submit it.
If this is considered giving up, then I give up. There is no point in going on like this. I would rather dread two, three months of job hunting than another year working in that environment. It will not be like before. The fact that I will resign my job tomorrow doesn’t mean that I will leave straight away. I will still have 45 days to enjoy their lovely company. But, that’s a good thing. It gives me two months (while I am being paid) to find another job.
All I have to do is to survive tomorrow. That is the most important thing.
We’re halfway through January. Nothing exciting happened. The days have passed and nothing new happened. Same old, same old.
I could go on like that for a while. I was not expecting anything dramatic to happen, nor for our life to change completely when the new year started. I was and still am fully aware that in order for something to happen, things need to be put in motion. The only way things will be put in motion is if we do something completely different.
We didn’t do anything different. We went around, doing our regular business. It is hard to change a pattern that has been going on for years. The sad reality is that the same pattern will go on for years to come. We might change a few days by doing new and different things, but at the core it will still be the same.
It sounds depressing.
I would like to attribute this state of mind to Winter.
It gets depressing this time of the year. It is way to cold. I dislike the fact that I have to wear so many layers of clothing. I dislike the fact we cannot go on road trips because it snowed so much, and the roads are not that good. I dislike having to stay indoors when we could be out and about.
I am happy for one thing. I already applied for a vacation in March. A full week of freedom from work. I am not sure if they will approve it, but I am entitled to a total of 38 vacation days (because last year we barely got a few days off). All I can do now is to wait and survive work.
I can barely bring myself to type after this weekend. My hands are refusing to work as they normally should.
It is not pain that I feel, but numbness. My fingers are numb and tingly. Two days in a row of constant typing. I never want to do this again.
This is Friday for me. I have one more night shift and then I will be able to enjoy my
during the week weekend. I have no idea what I will do with my free days. My mind is telling me that a cleaning would be the best option, as the house is not looking so well. Yet, my entire body is yelling that sleep and slacking around would be best.
It is a tough decision.
I really envy Pluto and Marlanu’ in these cases. They have no moral dilemmas of their own. They just sleep, eat, play around and some more sleep.
I can’t wait for December to come. I also want snow and pretty things to shine and sparkle on the streets. The mood for this weather is gloomy and sad. We could really use some cheering up.
That and more sleep. In fact, I will add this to my 2017 list: Get more rest / sleep.
Yes. There will be a 2017 list. I am not sure what the list will contain, but I will make one. I will make a lovely and achievable list for next year. Which, I hope I won’t have to start off by working. Chances for that to happen: 80%.
We shall live and see.
We’re having a very cold and wet winter. It just won’t stop raining and it’s bloody cold.
For a couple of days I had no problem with the rain. It was fun walking Pluto to the park and seeing him turn from a cute puppy into a filthy pig. He made a few friends and he was just the happiest dog ever.
We used to hang around in the park for 2 hours each day. It was so nice to see Pluto exhausted from playing and not having to worry that he’ll destroy the house (puppies tend to do that when bored). Of course, Pluto had to take a bath everytime we got home.
Now, nobody will let their dogs play. They don’t want them to get dirty. While I do understand that I have plenty of free time on my hands, I cannot understand why people won’t let their dogs be dogs. So what if they get dirty? You can rinse out the dirt in a couple of minutes. So what if your dog gets you dirty? Thank God for washing machines.
It really sucks, cause December started off so well. It snowed for 2 days straight.
Everything was covered in snow and the skies were a beautiful gray color.
I was so happy. Then it started raining and it just won’t stop. So, instead of taking beautiful pictures of Pluto, snow and just us enjoying the winter holidays, we are stuck inside the house.
2 more weeks till the Christmas holidays. I want snow, lots and lots of snow. And a lil bit of sunshine if possible. Until then we shall make the most, even if we are having a cold and wet winter.