Tag Archives: Ranting

Not meant to be

It was not meant to be. I was not sure if I should post this, but after giving it some consideration, I think I will.

I just got my very first rejection. 

What hurts the most is the fact that when I called in two weeks ago, they mentioned the feedback was positive. That and combined with the referral I got, kinda got my hopes up. Long story short, after a month of waiting the answer was “no”.

They packaged it really nicely as well:

“We have now had the opportunity to consider your suitability for the vacancy and although we found your experience impressive, it is with regret to say, that on this occasion, you have not been successful.”

And continued with:

“We will retain your resume on file to be considered should an opportunity arise.” 

And, delivering the final blow:

“..may I take this opportunity to thank you for the time and effort that you have invested, and wish you all the very best in your future career.”

I am sure that every single person goes through this, at some point or another when trying to find a job. I am also certain that it will not be the last rejection that I will receive. That doesn’t make it any less painful.

It really feels like a deja vu for me. The same thing happened two years ago, on three separate occasions, in the same circumstances, with the same results. Confidence wise, I am at an all time low right now. 

What next?

I am going to continue my job hunt. Hopefully, it will be less painful and more productive.

An end to an era

Sucking at something is the first step to becoming sorta good at something

Jake, Adventure Time

From the recent updates at work, apparently, I suck very much. What better way to motivate someone who is already in doubt about staying or not. The worst part is, that it is not even related to my work. It is related to what others think and say about me. I cannot even fight back, and defend myself because of the “he said, she said” thing. No real proof, no real facts, just hearsay. 

The others is a general term, used by our manager for feedback sessions. It is a term she loves (among many other derogative terms she keeps for agents that do not met her standards). It gives her power by dividing us, by making us mistrust one another. 

So, I come back to the conclusion that it is not the work and its quality, but how much one can suck up to the boss. 

That is where I really suck.

I cried over it. 

Like a complete and utter dumbass, I cried.

I guess it is my mistake as well. I got comfortable knowing that I have a job. The fear of not having a job, and having a hard time getting one, two years ago, has stuck with me. I dread going over that whole process of interviews and waiting.

The best part of all of this was Johnny’s reaction. He almost chocked with his coffee, while laughing at me.

Yep, he laughed. 

He was not the only one that laughed. 

That hurt even more. 

Here I am crying myself out, trying to figure out why and how this happened, and people are just laughing at the absurdity of it all. I really am a dumbass. 

So, without further rambling and ranting, I have prepared my resignation. Tomorrow, when we have our team meeting (of course it had to be on my day off), I will submit it. 

If this is considered giving up, then I give up. There is no point in going on like this. I would rather dread two, three months of job hunting than another year working in that environment. It will not be like before. The fact that I will resign my job tomorrow doesn’t mean that I will leave straight away. I will still have 45 days to enjoy their lovely company. But, that’s a good thing. It gives me two months (while I am being paid) to find another job. 

All I have to do is to survive tomorrow. That is the most important thing.

Halfway through January

We’re halfway through January. Nothing exciting happened. The days have passed and nothing new happened. Same old, same old.

I could go on like that for a while. I was not expecting anything dramatic to happen, nor for our life to change completely when the new year started. I was and still am fully aware that in order for something to happen, things need to be put in motion. The only way things will be put in motion is if we do something completely different.

We didn’t do anything different. We went around, doing our regular business. It is hard to change a pattern that has been going on for years. The sad reality is that the same pattern will go on for years to come. We might change a few days by doing new and different things, but at the core it will still be the same. 

It sounds depressing.

I would like to attribute this state of mind to Winter. 

It gets depressing this time of the year. It is way to cold. I dislike the fact that I have to wear so many layers of clothing. I dislike the fact we cannot go on road trips because it snowed so much, and the roads are not that good. I dislike having to stay indoors when we could be out and about. 

I am happy for one thing. I already applied for a vacation in March. A full week of freedom from work. I am not sure if they will approve it, but I am entitled to a total of 38 vacation days (because last year we barely got a few days off). All I can do now is to wait and survive work. 

Another weekend bites the dust

I can barely bring myself to type after this weekend. My hands are refusing to work as they normally should.

It is not pain that I feel, but numbness. My fingers are numb and tingly. Two days in a row of constant typing. I never want to do this again.

~~~~~~

This is Friday for me. I have one more night shift and then I will be able to enjoy my during the week weekend. I have no idea what I will do with my free days. My mind is telling me that a cleaning would be the best option, as the house is not looking so well. Yet, my entire body is yelling that sleep and slacking around would be best.

It is a tough decision.

I really envy Pluto and Marlanu’ in these cases. They have no moral dilemmas of their own. They just sleep, eat, play around and some more sleep.

~~~~~~

I can’t wait for December to come. I also want snow and pretty things to shine and sparkle on the streets. The mood for this weather is gloomy and sad. We could really use some cheering up. 

That and more sleep. In fact, I will add this to my 2017 list: Get more rest / sleep

Yes. There will be a 2017 list. I am not sure what the list will contain, but I will make one. I will make a lovely and achievable list for next year. Which, I hope I won’t have to start off by working. Chances for that to happen: 80%. 

We shall live and see.

A cold and wet winter

We’re having a very cold and wet winter. It just won’t stop raining and it’s bloody cold.

For a couple of days I had no problem with the rain. It was fun walking Pluto to the park and seeing him turn from a cute puppy into a filthy pig. He made a few friends and he was just the happiest dog ever.

Pluto and his friendsPluto and Archie, a swiss wolf dog Pluto and ArchieArchie, his owner and Pluto

We used to hang around in the park for 2 hours each day. It was so nice to see Pluto exhausted from playing and not having to worry that he’ll destroy the house (puppies tend to do that when bored). Of course, Pluto had to take a bath everytime we got  home.

Dirty Pluto

 Now, nobody will let their dogs play. They don’t want them to get dirty. While I do understand that I have plenty of free time on my hands, I cannot understand why people won’t let their dogs be dogs. So what if they get dirty? You can rinse out the dirt in a couple of minutes. So what if your dog gets you dirty? Thank God for washing machines.

It really sucks, cause December started off so well. It snowed for 2 days straight.

http://instagram.com/p/wEByXhizNs/

Everything was covered in snow and the skies were a beautiful gray color.

IMG_20141201_132539 IMG_20141201_133238

I was so happy. Then it started raining and it just won’t stop. So, instead of taking beautiful pictures of Pluto, snow and just us enjoying the winter holidays, we are stuck inside the house.

IMG_20141204_185050 IMG_20141201_161338

2 more weeks till the Christmas holidays. I want snow, lots and lots of snow. And a lil bit of sunshine if possible. Until then we shall make the most, even if we are having a cold and wet winter.

Not what I had in mind

It’s no surprise when things don’t work out the way we plan them. It’s just a surprise when almost everything goes wrong!

I’m tired of us being grumpy and gloomy. I’m tired of being tired all the time. I gave up on doing things, fun things, because staying in bed seemed the best thing to do. I won’t complain about me sleeping and getting a good night’s rest, but I don’t feel any better when I wake up (even after 16 hours, which I think is my personal record so far).

Oh well, things could always get worse. So I won’t complain anymore.

Hopefully, our good cheer and motivation will come back. I just want to finish the things that I started and get on with life (including my blog).

Much ado about nothing

It’s not even the end of January and I already feel myself stuck in a rut. But then again, January has always been a “dead” month for me.

Well, I can’t actually say it was a dead month since I did went on vacation, read books, worked my ass off (at work and at home). But, I just feel unfulfilled like all that I did so far is insignificant. And its a real unfair feeling since I know I had fun even when things didn’t went as planned.

I don’t know, I’m being weird today.

I feel unfulfilled yet when I try to make a list with things to do (for end of January-February), this is what comes out of my head:

  • use the photo camera and actually take photographs
  • take lots of photos of Marlanu’
  • macro photography
  • find online programs to edit photos besides Photoshop
  • select photos to print out
  • make a Bibliophile list to ease things when picking new books to read
  • clean my bookcase
  • clean my portable hard drive
  • clean my netbook drive
  • update my MP3 player list
  • find new music and artists
  • watch “Lie to me” till the finish
  • start watching “I miss you
  • make a list with all Korean drama’s that I want to watch this year (a realistic list)
  • get all the Korean dramas that I want to watch this year
  • renew my subscription at the library
  • try not to fail to many exams this semester (update: 4 exams down, 2 to go)
  • a post with all my stitching projects that I’m working at
  • get a haircut
  • go to the gym more (we have a new gym at work but all places are filled up for the next 2 weeks T_T  actually managed to sign my name twice next week and once for the week after)
  • shave my legs (brace yourself.. it’s still Winter)
  • make lots of quality posts on the blog (about what I have no idea)
  • throw away stuff that I no longer use from my room
  • visit a memorial house during the weekend
  • re-start the Japanese lessons (and as promised post the lessons)
  • use my free time more wisely

See, it’s only silly stuff. I’m such a weird cookie today. I even stayed 10 minutes figuring out what to name this post and nothing came out.

Somehow, I think I should just get some rest.

 

 

October.. and its gone

We’re already in November. There is less then two months till Christmas and the New Year is coming fast.

And here I am wasting my days, sleeping away my youth and just being annoying most of my time because I don’t get enough good rest. There is one thing to get a good 8 hour sleep and another to stay in bed for 12 hours at a time but not being able to sleep because of all the noise and not being able to do things because of being to tired to stand or walk.

So, there’s no solution for me just to stick it out and hopefully they will give me an afternoon shift.. or else I might go Hulk on their asses.

Moving on…

So, last weekend it was Nijikon and I didn’t went.

I know, you must be wondering what in Gods name came over me not to go to the only anime convention that I like. Well, someone *cough*Johnny*cough* got a hold of a car and we went on a road trip. It was nice, not awesome nor awful, just nice. The company was OK, well most of our company.

I don’t know if I am becoming more grumpy because I’m just tired in general or the people around me really are annoying. I’m going to say that both options sound about right.

Either way I was out of the house and into the open fresh air and it was perfect for me. The weather couldn’t have been any nicer, the food was good, I did get some sleep in the afternoon even if I was rudely awaken by someone who was grumpy because they were hungry, but we’ll let that one slide.

So of course I’ll have to post pics or else it will be like it never happened.

Not many pictures to post because most of them are with people and I don’t like to post pics with people in them.

Either way, it was fun. I enjoyed the ride but truthfully a part of me regrets missing out on Nijikon. This year there were a lot of events that were pretty cool. You see, I could’ve always went to friends and family but that damn convention is only once a year. Am I being an idiot, probably but there some things that mean a lot more to me than they do to normal people.

Discrimination at its best

I was just wasting time on the Internet trying to figure out what skills I need to make my life better.

For example, I was trying to find out what kind of certificates I need for different foreign languages, what accounting classes I should take and so on. So, from one thing to another I decided to apply for a Visa to see if the current me meets the standards imposed by different countries for emigration.

You know, just for fun.

By random choice,I picked Australia. So I applied for a “Work and Holiday” Visa. It made most sense considering I never worked overseas and I’m still at university (even if I’ve been working for almost 6 years now).

I didn’t even made it to the second step. Why? Well, I passed the age requirement but apparently failed when I said I was Romanian. I didn’t even had a chance to input my skills and work experience. They just redirected me to the page where I could apply to simpler jobs. Apparently Romanians are only good as waiters and other similar jobs.

Disappointment at its best.

I am now afraid to apply for a work visa in Japan. Did our reputation reached the ears of the Nippon people? I hope not.

This is the second blow I had in less then 2 days.

At university I meet this guy that works at a multinational company. Apparently he is a consultant for all the jobs that anything to do with Germany (because he speaks German really well). He told me, he worked in Germany for a couple of years but decided to come back home because of how he was treated there.

He said Romanians weren’t well perceived there. And even if you did a great job, people would still look down on you. This eventually got to him and he decided to come back home. This was a bit of a shock to me considering the person in question is a big dude, with a goatee, piercings and a lot of exotic animals at home.

I’m just disappointed. Really, life is unfair.

We all know why Romanians are perceived like this: because of gypsies with Romanian passports.

I hate the fact that because of all those scums that the Europeans try to make us accept yet they don’t know how to send them back “home” as fast as they possible can the good people have to suffer.

I doubt anything will make me change my opinion on this, but truthfully, if someone wants equal rights (the gypsies in this case) they should also be subjected to the same rules and obligations like the rest of us.

  • They should send their children to school rather than selling them into slavery.
  • They should get jobs rather than steal or beg.
  • But, what gets to me the most is how proud they are to be called gypsies whenever it’s in their favor (for example, when they are persecuted by the long arm of the law) but when they are caught doing something bad they are either Romanians, Bulgarians or anything else (depends on their ID).

No wonder, Holland wants restrictions for us. I would impose restrictions as well if our main export would be gypsies.

Seriously, I’m not a racist. I’m just pissed that my dreams of actually getting a decent job/life overseas depend on how far away the country is and on how harsh the immigration rules are.

Yes, I want to go to Japan because it’s been my childhood dream. But now I want to go because of all those harsh restrictions. It’s not a country where anybody can just stroll in. You only go to Japan if you are a decent person. That, for me is like heaven.

And truthfully, even if I’ll become a gaijin, well, it will be far better than to be known as a low life Romanian (as perceived by the rest of Europe).

And we all know that Romanians have been a pillar to the rest of the Europe for centuries. If we wouldn’t have been the people that we were, I really think things would’ve been really different.

I am proud to be Romanian, not because I was born and that its an obligation, I am proud because of our history, our culture, our beautiful country and people. And no gypsy should get the chance to ruin what our people fought for years.

So, dear Australians/people in foreign countries, I am a PC operator/translator /blogger/amateur photographer so don’t send me to the kitchen just because I was born in Romania.