“Sucking at something is the first step to becoming sorta good at something“
Jake, Adventure Time
From the recent updates at work, apparently, I suck very much. What better way to motivate someone who is already in doubt about staying or not. The worst part is, that it is not even related to my work. It is related to what others think and say about me. I cannot even fight back, and defend myself because of the “he said, she said” thing. No real proof, no real facts, just hearsay.
The others is a general term, used by our manager for feedback sessions. It is a term she loves (among many other derogative terms she keeps for agents that do not met her standards). It gives her power by dividing us, by making us mistrust one another.
So, I come back to the conclusion that it is not the work and its quality, but how much one can suck up to the boss.
That is where I really suck.
I cried over it.
Like a complete and utter dumbass, I cried.
I guess it is my mistake as well. I got comfortable knowing that I have a job. The fear of not having a job, and having a hard time getting one, two years ago, has stuck with me. I dread going over that whole process of interviews and waiting.
The best part of all of this was Johnny’s reaction. He almost chocked with his coffee, while laughing at me.
Yep, he laughed.
He was not the only one that laughed.
That hurt even more.
Here I am crying myself out, trying to figure out why and how this happened, and people are just laughing at the absurdity of it all. I really am a dumbass.
If this is considered giving up, then I give up. There is no point in going on like this. I would rather dread two, three months of job hunting than another year working in that environment. It will not be like before. The fact that I will resign my job tomorrow doesn’t mean that I will leave straight away. I will still have 45 days to enjoy their lovely company. But, that’s a good thing. It gives me two months (while I am being paid) to find another job.
All I have to do is to survive tomorrow. That is the most important thing.